I follow the popular author Zane on Facebook, and recently she posted a question from one of her fans. The guy asked her at what point should a man start paying a woman's bills, and getting things for her children if they are dating.
Man, I felt myself shifting into sister hen mode. The question was an excellent question, and a question everyone in the dating game needs to know the answer to. There are too many of us paying bills and providing gifts for our Sweetheart of the Moment's child (or children), and we are not in a committed relationship. It's unnecessary, and it's unwise (ok - it is extremely stupid). Why are we spending all this money on someone who may not even be in our life next month? Don't we have our own bills to pay, food to buy, and goals to reach?
Let me just give him and everyone else who is curious of the answer before I scream: If you are NOT in a serious, committed relationship with the object of your affection - you DO NOT have to pay for anything unless you CHOOSE to (with the lone exception being that you two have children in common, or have a child on the way). That means that you are NOT RESPONSIBLE for Mr./Miss Sexy's rent, car note, bail, medical bills, electric bill, child support, daycare fee, grocery - need I continue rattling off examples here? Your Sweetheart of the Week was making it on their own before you got there - let them continue to do so.
Just in case you don't know what serious, committed relationship is, here are two definitions:
a) You are married.
b) You have had a serious conversation with your boyfriend/girlfriend about dating exclusively, and both of you have agreed to be exclusive to one another. Marriage should be in the picture sooner than later.
Again, if you CHOOSE to help your girl/guy out by paying for something, that is fine, but I give you a warning: You better be sure you know what you are getting into if you decide to help out. Some people take advantage of your wanting to help. A few times helping your 'boo' can end up being ATM 24/7/365.
I hope my answer was clear enough, and easy to understand. Put it into action, now, or watch your financial net worth descend to dog poop.
Now, my questions to you: Are you guilty of being in a non-committed relationship, but paying for your Dearheart's everything? Why are you doing so, and what do you plan to do about it now?
If you don't fit this description, what is your opinion on this issue? Comments are definitely welcome.
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